Day two of the Bro-cation.

The antacids, though very likely effective in their own right, find themselves negated by several pots of coffee, gas station tacos, and 3 lbs of BBQ.

He sits pensively along the far wall of a local coffee shop, eyes staring wistfully out the window, his floral tank top and finely trimmed beard radiating his vanity, while casting doubt on his (admittedly difficult to find) masculinity.

Although I’ve attempted to dissuade him (both from his foppish attire and his, for lack of a better word, “Tubbish” eating habits), I’ve been met with an iron will that one wouldn’t expect to find nascent under a field of tank top flowers.

As such, a day of Whattaburger, margaritas, and blue pastel shorts awaits me and the fine people of Austin, Texas.

In the meantime, the antacids wrapper lies empty by the sink, the coffee pot brims with freshly brewed coffee, the hour of reckoning draws nigh. Soon day 2 will come to a close, and day 3 will rise, rife with unlearned lessons and the remaining sentiment of the prior days mistakes.

Stay tuned!

 

 

 

Day one of the Bro-cation.

I find myself stranded in an Air BnB in the heart of Austin, Texas, with no way to contact the outside world other than a moderately strong WiFi single, perfect cell phone connectivity, and an aggressive mobile data package.

There’s a dirty, abandoned pool adjacent to our unit; a single child playing alone in the labyrinthine alleyways of this rundown condominium complex; a sad, bearded man-child sitting on the couch across from me – complaining of stomach pains and an ironic lack of acknowledgement.

As I sit here chronicling my thoughts, he stands over the sink – popping antacid pills and listening to Kendrick Lamar; a bro-tank hangs from his lank (yet oddly, amorphous) frame, and a pair of sunglasses hangs obnoxiously from his neck. Such intense bodily discomfort reminds me of bro-cations past, particularly an unfortunate trip to Florida resulting in intense skin “purpling” and acute blistering, a function of an irrational faith in my skin tone, and the unrelenting wrath of the Florida sun.

His innate self-destructive qualities (and questionable understanding of the human body brought about by a Clear Lake, Wisconsin education) have led him to consuming copious amounts of coffee this morning to offset his stomach pains. Up next is BBQ and breakfast tacos.

I will keep you posted.