This evening, Landon, myself and our aforementioned friend Danielle (Hereafter referred to as “Blonde” Danielle or “Dani B”) went to the celebration of our friend’s daughter’s first birthday.
Yes, our other friend Danielle (Hereafter referred to as Sassy Danielle or “Sassy D”) was throwing a lavish gala, an extravagant fete, an unrivaled party to recognize her daughter Cassidy’s first year on this planet. A time set aside to celebrate the familial and amicable ties that hold our fragile bond of society together, and enable us to find love and meaning in an otherwise cold, lonely, and distant world.
From stage right enters Landon.
Going into the evening, I will not pretend as though I would have likened Landon’s social skills to anything better than a toddler with ADHD or a sexually frustrated gorilla. But, with Dani B running late and Sassy D otherwise occupied, he attempted to outdo himself.
Namely, we were having a lovely conversation with another guest (as we courageously hid from Sassy D’s family in the kitchen). During said conversation, another friend, Nick, had just arrived and walked into the kitchen. As this happened, Landon abruptly cut off conversation with this other guest, looked up at the new arrival, and declared loudly to the room at large in an offensive yet sonorous voice “Thank God”. Shockingly, this upset the guest.
I will not assume that Landon meant this to be as rude as that sounded. Nor will I assume that he is an inherently mean spirited or callously hurtful individual. I WILL, however, continue to liken his social grace to that of a depraved chimpanzee.
Once more, do better.
Landon Acknowledge Me 